Rambling

With spring break here, it's easy to have a clear, sensible head. 

Just kidding. Still trying to escape my mind.

All I know is that with everything that's happened in this past month, I am done being... me. It's seriously time to change. Pretty much everything. In my earlier posts I was talking about how change sucks, but it my case, I could use it.

Why I am putting this on the Internet, I'm not sure. (I loathe those girls who post all their personal issues on the Internet, but that's exactly who I've been, right from the beginning. Call me a hypocrite, I deserve it.) It is in part due to the fact I don't really have a place to vent other than this, but I find it is mostly driven by the fact I really don't care anymore (Before I would have been mortified if any human soul had seen my posts. Still kind of am, but that's beside the point). No matter what, we are always judged, so why not do whatever the hell our heart tells us to?  That is something I have overlooked for far too long, because I am one of those people who places a great deal on what other people think of them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have let people and their judgments rule me for too long. I have lost many opportunities because of my foolishness. Now I'm left here, not for the first time, looking at all the things I missed out on, all the happiness I managed to cut out of my life.

And so, rather than doing what is in my nature, which is sitting around doing absolutely nothing, I am going to freaking change, stop complaining, and get a hold of my life, because there is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more to life than this. Moping around like a stereotypical teenage girl, who thinks the world is against her. I refuse to be that girl anymore.

Done rambling now. Feel free to judge, just don't expect me to give a damn.

Lost

I am utterly, completely, 10000000% lost.
Just when I thought things were okay, something happened. I am not even sure what.
What happens when the one person you thought would always be there for you, starts treating you like you're nothing to them? Like you're an annoyance? And just the other day they acted as if they wanted to be around you?
It was like the flip of a switch. I went from feeling super lucky to feeling like absolute crap.
I seriously hope this isn't permanent.